Stooping to a New Low

True to my tendency to never say no to a handsome male beast, I accepted this meme from Oscar Wildebeest, famed blogger of Gnus of the World. He had the sad misfortune of receiving it from Curious Hamster with the request (demand?) that he add five answers to those composed by Hamster and then pass it along to another blogger, and so on until completed. OW did the reasonable thing and asked his readers to volunteer to receive the meme. Naturally, none of us volunteered, so OW sent me an email, shamelessly begging me to take the meme off his hands.

Participating as I am in the blog equivalent of a chain letter is a new low. I must be besotted by the beast--why else would I agree to do it?

Below, you will find my answers in violet, OW's in blue, and Hamster's in red. I am sure you will agree that none of us is as clever as we need to be.

If I could be a scientist... I'd invent cool stuff to save the planet (and grow a big beard).
If I could be a painter... I'd paint the living room. It really needs freshening up.
If I could be a doctor...I would ask myself, "How did this happen? Why in the hell did I become a doctor?"
If I could be a farmer...I would grow delicious big red killer tomatoes.
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a lawyer...I'd defend the McLibel Two and not demand a penny. Pro bono, as they say.
If I could be an athlete...you would see me on a Wheaties box.
If I could be an innkeeper...guests would find Godiva chocolates on top of their pillows.
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer... I'd have something more useful to write here.
If I could be a llama rider...I'd probably be arrested for bestiality.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...Who's Bonnie?
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger... what do you mean, if?
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any one famous political figure...
If I could be a circus star...
If I could be a poet...I'd Make Poetry History
If I could be a musician... I'd be a drummer.
If I could be a chef...I wouldn't allow any meat in my kitchen. I wouldn't allow any of those bloody vegetarian meat substitutes, either. More on this another time.
If I could be a rodeo star...I would wear the shiniest spurs and no calf would go unroped.
If I could be a spin doctor... I'd be filled with doubt and self loathing.

Now that you have seen it, would anyone like to volunteer to continue this cursed meme? Although valued, cleverness is not required. If there are no volunteers, I will be forced to draft my ex-husband to take on the task. Believe me, you would not want to see what his twisted mind would come up with.